Do you ever have moments of utter frustration, other than when you want to cum, but cannot.
We're talking about real life frustrations here. Sometimes I get frustrated when I feel like I have few options, and that my future here in Montreal is very uncertain. Plausible is always overcome by reality.
A lately I have been using sex as a distraction and a coping mechanism. Forever I will hold this rule.
I shield myself from facing the burning sun that imposes itself upon me and the problems I must confront, I only open my mouth to swallow what I must cumprehend, because I do not want to see the authoritative penis that that blasts its authority infront of me. And shame me to know it is raw human semen that I must take in my face to survive.
There were many times here in Montreal where I wanted to cover my face in shame due to my financial status, embarassing moments at gay bars, some failed job attempts, language barriers. I felt like I was the deserving victim of a bukkake scene - the guilty cum of a thousand men I would wear on my face. Cum that I do not wear on my face proudly. It cannot be toweled off.
And there were days where I want to fuckin strangle myself ...
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| Strangle me with that cord, choke me ur cock up my throat until I black out while ur cumming down my throat. |
Strangle myself with a chord ... but I would never go as far as to hang myself with a noose, and be dangling in thin air like a puppet doll.
But there were moments of me being down. In the trenches and needing of escape.
One of my most exhilarating experiences was actually being choked to death by one hottie here in Montreal. We don't cross paths as much n e more just because I've switched bathhouses .... but boy did he choke the fuck my lights out fuckin TWICE ... I didn't know if I would like that - but I fuckin did and thank him for that fucktastic experience.
It didn't bring me shame. Only the hands of a stranger willing to invest. My major relief in this cruel world will always be for somebody to fuckin TAKE ME. Not for what I am worth. But for what I am worth at that exact moment. The momentary will always be the saviour for me. Here's what's on the table.
And in the wildest sense it can be prescribed in the most mildest form.
... Where we cannot be(cum) of ourselves ... only by force can another man put u back into the place where u need to be. We can never resolve and relieve the itch off our backs. Only somebody else can do that for you. I hope u understand.
When u have experienced life the way that I have experienced it - u realize that nothing is ever a commodity ... that EVERYTHING is a treasure to be cherished.
Lay me to rest by the hands upon my throat. Bring me to salvation to the place where I've always wanted to be. ONLY another man can bring u there. U will NEVER be able to bring urself there without a helping (albeit it), gripping hand to drag u to ur fuckin destination.
************
The other day a customer drove me up the wall. I would smash his head in over slam it open over my desk.
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| But I do like how he holds his bat in his hands as he leads on the table with outstretched hand. |
Although I wouldn't commit suicide and slice my own throat - I'd nonetheless let a muscle warrior do some critical damage to my throat and ass ... sexual painful experience from a nice abusive top would help definitely distract me from some other shit in my life.
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| Slice my ass open with ur pointy dagger. Make it bleed with ur cum. |
Sometimes I just want to blast through all my insecurities somehow, like a guy who drills me to (his) completion, and sends me shooting with his cum through this wall of fear.
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| Drill me with your construction bear cock! |
Like I said, sex is a good distraction to our life problems. Last night at the bathhouse, I let a furry gentle bear punch the fuck out of my throat for an hour in the dark room. I really encouraged him and got him all riled up, but too my total disadvantage. Deepthroating him while he was sitting on the bench was fine. He sat very still but moaned a lot, only encouraging me to get back down on it right away between taking breaths and sallowing my saliva. I didn't want to let that thing go unserviced for a second.
But then I let him punch the back of my throat with my head pressed up against the wall, and with him facing fucking me lying on my back on the ground with my turned head sideways, causing a traffic jam in my throat. He got a little too excited, and wouldn't let up. Which is my fault because I fucking encouraged him in the first place. Talk about soar mouth ripped apart by horny bear.
We did that for a fucking hour, and when he came, it was a truckload. All the cum from an hour long session. I felt his cock pulsate in my throat a good 10 ten times to fully drain out.
Being so horny sometimes, sometimes we don't realize even if the other person is reving us up so willingly, by going into overdrive you can actually do some critical damage. The fact that I continued working on his thing for so long meant to him that I could take it and was hear for the longhaul until he was finally emptied out, but still, he did realize the effort I had put in, and before he left, he gave me a kiss on the lips and a geniune thank you ... and then he was gone.
He was a good distraction for me in the end. He had a cock that needed working, and he found me to work it. It was a perfect trade.
Last night I tried a new bathhouse with a more bisexual, married on the DL clientele based on its location. These men were fucking horny as shit and really needed to get off and dump out their fucking cum stuck inside them wanting and needing to escape.
When you only get it a couple times a month, or monthly, or every few months - u fucking let all your frustration out just by mere touch, or a couple of sucks. Never had I seen penises rise so quickly, from the first touch, to hardening in your mouth, and to becoming rock hard and ready to disengage prematurely. Usually gay men are known for their talents at fucking for hours, and engaging multiple mouths and asses all in one night. Straight DL guys will pop their popcorn as soon as one mouth, any mouth even hints at wantin' some of their creamy married butter. These married attached DL dudes just want to attach their cum to the back of their throat and then walk away.
So the next time you wanna choke urself with a plastic bag ... don't.
Choke urself on a guy's cock, blind out ur lights ... but never give up hope for the light at the end of the anal rectum. Things do turn around - know that from experience. Things do change, and always for the better.
Take a dose of cum daily.
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